Self Observation

Self Observation

From our friend, David Tuttle

Self-observation is a special kind of directed attention, where we pay attention to our internal world and try to view it objectively, as a stranger would. Implicit in self-observation is that we do not identify with our ‘I’s but look at them impartially. As soon as we identify with an ‘I’, self observation is lost.

This attention has certain guidelines of observation. Ouspensky describes self-observation in The Psychology, “It is necessary to observe different functions and distinguish between them, remembering, at the same time, about different states of consciousness, about our sleep, and about the many I's in us.”

Through self-observation the words of the system become personal experiences - we verify them. In addition to the things Ouspensky lists, which are the most important ones, we might add features, buffers, body type, essence, hydrogens and so on. It is like coming to know the various creatures that live inside and giving them names. We slowly become objective to ourselves.

If we try to do this, we find we can’t do it for long – it quickly gets lost in the flow of the many ‘I’s.

Ouspensky writes, “Now try to formulate what you noticed when you tried to observe yourself.

“You noticed three things. First, that you do not remember yourself; that is, that you are not aware of yourself at the time when you try to observe yourself. Second, that observation is made difficult by the incessant stream of thoughts, images, echoes of conversation, fragments of emotions, flowing through your mind and very often distracting your attention from observation. And third, that the moment you start self-observation something in you starts imagination, and self-observation, if you really try it, is a constant struggle with imagination.

“Now this is the chief point in work upon oneself. If one realises that all the difficulties in the work depend on the fact that one cannot remember oneself, one already knows what one must do.

“One must try to remember oneself.

“In order to do this one must struggle with mechanical thoughts and one must struggle with imagination.

“If one does this conscientiously and persistently one will see results in a comparatively short time. But one must not think that it is easy or that one can master this practice immediately.

“Self-remembering, as it is called, is a very difficult thing to learn to practice. It must not be based on an expectation of results, otherwise one can identify with one's efforts. It must be based on the realisation of the fact that we do not remember ourselves, and that at the same time we can remember ourselves, if we try sufficiently hard and in the right way.

“We cannot become conscious at will, at the moment when we want to, because we have no command over states of consciousness. But we can remember ourselves for a short time, at will because we have a certain command over our thoughts. And if we start remembering ourselves, by the special construction of our thoughts; that is, by the realisation that we do not remember ourselves, that nobody remembers himself, and by realising all that this means, this will bring us to consciousness.

“You must remember that we have found the weak spot in the walls of our mechanicalness. This is the knowledge that we do not remember ourselves; and the realisation that we can try to remember ourselves.”

Maybe you could say self-observation is "taking stock" of what is going on internally, like taking an inventory. We see "this is the moving center", "that was my tramp feature", "I was just lost in imagination", "I am present now" and so on. It is taking mental, objective photographs of our inner world. The apparent purpose of these photographs is to come to know ourselves, as machines. However, the hidden purpose of these photographs is to reveal the photographer, that seed of permanent presence in each of us. Self-remembering is to directly invoke the photographer, self-observation only brings us to an awareness of him.

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Image: Julie Le Brun Looking in a Mirror, by Elisabeth Vigee Le Brun